The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 1 (2011) – Bill Condon

The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn: Part 1 has to be the weirdest movie to gross over $100 in it’s opening weekend. This is a weird movie. Like vampire babies chewing through placenta weird. Like grown wolf-men professing their love to a baby weird.

I find these movies to have a nice parallel with the equally insipid Transformers movies, where in one you have robots pummeling each other while espousing vague notions of “freedom,” here you have vampires and shapeshifters glowering and biting their lips and saying similarly nebulous things about “love.” Where is Douglas Sirk when you need him? Breaking Dawn: Part 1 is almost tailor made for that master of biting melodramatic satire, the only thing missing is a huge pile of family money for the Cullens to fight over. Alas, vampires don’t need money.

Normally, a movie that takes itself as seriously as this one would have my eyes on a permanent roll (and they did do their fair share) but it must be said that deathly serious is the right tone here. The movie’s subject is teenage love and there is absolutely no humor in that. On that note, is Edward Cullen ever called Eddie or Ed? Must it be Edward at all times? Lighten up, pal.

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